I've been extremely busy lately and to be quite honest, I wouldn't trust myself to sit and write with the frame of mind that I've been in. Moving is difficult. Even when it's a move that you want to do and something that you've prayed and prayed for, it is still stressful! Trying to line things up when you're over 500 miles away is almost impossible! So, here it is in a nutshell...we are packing up our entire house, and moving to a town in 8 days and we don't know where we are going to live yet!!! I know that God's timing is perfect, but I can't do a lot of things because we don't have an address. My mom and dad went to Olney yesterday to look at a house that was a complete bust. We are only renting until our house here sells. No one wants to rent on a monthly basis and no one wants to rent to you if you have a dog. I'm trying really hard not to freak out, but I'm not quite succeeding. Sigh. This seems to be my biggest issue right now. And because of that I feel like I'm questioning everything...was/is it really worth it, does anyone really care if we're closer??? That sort of stuff. We're moving closer so that we can go home more often, but does anyone even care if we're home more often? Like I would hate to have uprooted the boys yet again just to be closer when no one really cares if we're closer. I hate not fitting in and I'm terrified that we never will. I know that we aren't supposed to be comfortable here on this earth ...that this is not our home...still.
On top of all that, we are dealing with a new health issue with Chance and his hips. He had a CT scan on Thursday and we should hear something back by Monday afternoon. The issue could result in yet more surgery. So instead of having a little time to relax once we move to Olney, I'm likely going to be frantically contacting the Ortho at Cardinal Glennon so we can see what needs to be done. We also found out for sure that we shouldn't ever expect Chance to walk again. This just makes me want to cry and cry. I hate that it has come to this. The dr warned us ahead of time, but hearing him say the actual words at our last appointment was like a blow to my heart. Chance's purpose has not changed, God can, has and will continue to move in mighty ways in Chance's life. But when it's your baby and you look and see all that he will have to continue to endure and overcome...well, it's heart wrenching. I cannot wait to see him when we are in heaven and he gets his reward. He'll have a new body and will be running all over the place!! Oh what a day that will be! He is such a sweet boy with an awesome disposition. He loves the Lord and never questions why this has happened to him. I love him and I know that I am so blessed to have him in my life!! So while I'm freaking out, I am still sitting in the arms of God. I know that He will not fail us. And when I have moments when I question how it will all work out, I still know that it will. I am confident that He knows best. That His timing is perfect and that He loves and cares for this family more than any human could. When I feel alone or like I don't fit in, I can sit at the feet of the One who created me, and I know that even though I am flawed and I have issues that may never be resolved while I live on this earth, He loves me, cares for me and wants to be with me. And that is enough for me.
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