I do.
I promise.
But there may be times in this blog where you might question that love so I felt like maybe I needed to be up front. I do love my kids but thank You, Jesus that they got out of my house today and went back to school. Trying to watch 3 small children in my home while my own 2 big children are home at the same time was not only trying, it was downright ugly at times. Chance, gosh I love him, but he's autistic. And becoming very aware of his age and that he's getting older and getting older means certain things. To him, it means getting married and having babies. Here's another thing you probably don't know about Chance(and you may wish you never did!) He doesn't understand that there are something's Mom just doesn't want to hear about. I'll leave it at that.
So, one of the kiddo's is a baby...4 months old and cuuuuute! Chance is kinda addicted to him. He wants to hold the baby, feed the baby, stare at the baby. Oh.my.gosh. Remember, he's autistic. He became a broken record over the holiday break. Ugh. The baby led to questions about babies and marriage and all that jazz. Thankfully, he didn't ask about the logistics of making a baby (I'm sure he "knows" but doesn't really know. Make sense?) Anyways. Trying to keep them quiet while the little kids took a nap, trying to keep them from bickering and arguing...you get where I'm coming from, I'm sure.
Add to that the boy's bio dad decided to try and re-enter the pic. These poor kids have literally been strung along by him and his side of the family and it makes my blood boil anytime I think about them. I'm bitter though. From the time I went into Teen Challenge, they've not had a steady or solid relationship with their dad. He's in trouble, then he's out of trouble, he's using drugs and then he's clean, and all the while, he would call or try to see them just enough to keep that hope in them that he actually wanted to be a part of their lives. And his mom and dad aren't any better. 2 years ago, I cut off contact with them because he was in trouble again and I had had enough. 2 years! And in those 2 years, he tried to contact them once. ONCE!!!! I just have no nice things to say about him but when he pulls on the heartstrings of MY BOYS, I feel like some beast inside me has been unleashed and I want to kill him with my bare hands.
Thank God for Geof. He is the Man. Period. He took over where Chris backed out and the boys are forever changed because he stepped up to the plate. He has shown them how real men behave toward their wife and children. He has taught them that not all dads leave. He has loved them from the very beginning as if they were his own flesh and blood. I know that there are many people who grow up in bad homes. With parents and especially fathers who didn't show them the love and care that they needed and deserved. I didn't grow up in a family like that. My dad was around and involved in my life. I can't imagine only hearing from him once in a couple of years and him being ok with that. Why is their dad ok with that?!??? He clearly doesn't understand how great his kids are. I'm sorry for him. One day, he will wake up and realize that he blew it and it'll be too late. It already is too late for Isaac. He wants to be adopted by Geof. We're trying to make that happen. Either way, we know who he belongs to. I'm thankful that they know they have a Heavenly Father who loves them more than they could ever think, dream or imagine!! I'm thankful for a God like that!
So that was our Christmas break...along with lots of other good and sometimes frustrating times thrown in there too! I do love my kids but yay for them going back to school!! Thank you teachers!! I am one parent who appreciates you and the job that you do!!!
