Aimless meanderings

I got my hair cut off yesterday. It took me a little while to get used to it, but I'm thinking I like it now. It's pretty short. Like, if I didn't have big boobs, I would look like a 12 year old boy, short! All the guys in my life like it too :)

I babysit a couple kids here 4 days a week. Chance slept in this morning and I got a text from one mom saying her boy wasn't coming today. So it was just me and Karston this morning and I really had a fun time with him. He just turned a year and he's starting to say a few things. He calls me "GG" and I love that! He's all over the place and crawls around after me. Currently he is playing with blocks on my legs. In less than 2 weeks, I won't be babysitting anymore and I have to say, I'm really going to miss having him here. I'll still see him at church and out and about since his parents are really good friends of ours, but I know it'll be different and it makes me a little sad :(  

It's been 5 weeks since Chance's back surgery and to be honest, I'll just be really glad when things return to "normal" He's unable to do anything for himself, so it's like having a 45 pound baby to care for. I know that God has given me the strength to continue on, but at times, I just feel completely drained. He goes back to the Orthopaedic Dr on Monday and we shall see where we go from there. He may have to go into a rehab facility or back into the hospital to get hard core physical therapy for a little while, but I'm really hoping against this. Chance and Isaac are supposed to go to Illinois and Kentucky to visit my parents and their dad and I worry that He won't get to go. I don't want him to miss out on any more than he already has. It breaks my heart to see him sad and know there is little that I can do to make it better. Every mother knows this feeling and can relate, I'm sure...but I feel like I have to tell him "no" more than "yes" and that makes me feel horrible. Explaining that there are just some things that he is unable to do is hard and I feel like disappointment has to be a common feeling for him and that's just so hard! Still, he is such a happy kid and rarely stays down for long. He's so inspirational. He's starting to grow up and mature in so many ways and I'll readily admit that the thought of him going into middle school next year terrifies me! I wonder if I'll survive...